still

 

Is it a shocking discovery to learn that you still have feelings for him after all these years?

No.

Not really. 

Rather like, I surrender.

Surrender to my own feelings.

Own it up.

I know things will stay the same,

but at least,

admitting and owning it up make my chest feels a little lighter.

It gets annoying though.

Because once I concede defeat to my feelings,

I’ll keep on looking and searching for him everywhere.

My mind will unconsciously wander back to him

and wonder;

“If he was here, it would be like this.”
“It would be probably different if he was here.”

“How should I react or what should I do if it was him?”

Whatever happened back in the past between us,

If it was possible, I’d love to erase and redo it all over.

That way, I’d do a wise choice and never get to know you.

cluttered.

 

How do we organize our thoughts?

Like how do we know and pick which comes first and the rest later?

It has come to that point where writing it down becomes a struggle and ending up with an empty paper.

#1

 

You capture the beauty of the moon,

I capture the beauty of you.

 

Holding it dear and

Looking it back through my memory

Over the time, it fades and it gets blurry

But the way your beauty captivated me

And knocked the breath out of me

 

My heart never forgets.

when it gets a little too much to handle

It all threatens to come out at some point. The feelings I’ve been suppressing all these times, ones that I choose to ignore and pretend it never existed in the place— it suddenly bursts out today just because the thought of me seeing him again. Even though I know it wouldn’t happen. It’s not happening. 

I believed it disappeared. I believe I’ve moved on. I believe I no longer cared.

But the bitter truth is, it was just me pretending that it was gone.

But every little things that I do, what I see and what I remember, it all goes back to him.

“What if he’s here?”

“Imagine if it’s him.”

“Him.”

And you know what the funniest thing is?

We weren’t anything to begin with.

A new start.

 

A new start.

A new beginning.

Stay tuned.